*I acknowledge your tolerance and respect you for that. English is not my first language. But regular practice pays off*
Relationships could be quite difficult and challenging, even when you and your partner constitute what we could call a “good match”. Nevertheless, if you’ve started a relationship for the wrong reasons, you’ve literally activated a time bomb. Therefore, if you want to get more chances of success in your relationship, try not to be motivated by the following reasons:
All your friends are in a relationship
Ok your friends are in a relationship. And they keep teasing you with sentences like: “Oh, don’t waste time Anna, you have to find someone; Come on Cynthia, if you don’t do something, you’ll end up alone”. Indeed it can be frustrating to hear that again and again. But if you put this type of pressure on yourself, you might end up making choices which are not aligned with your core values. As a result, you have more chances to attract someone who isn’t good for you, and vice-versa.
You want someone to heal your wounds
If you wait for someone to heal your traumas, you are actually giving your power away. It’s true that a partner could help in this healing process. And so could a friend, or a family member. However, it’s important to keep in mind that the FIRST person responsible for your wellbeing is YOU. Don’t underestimate your strength. Take care of yourself. Love yourself first, and you’ll radiate that self-confidence which is definitely something very attractive.
You find him/her hot
My friend Joe saw this girl at the mall. He found her so sexy, so attractive. And he told me: “Ella, I want this girl to become my girlfriend”. Believe me, Joe was serious. And he worked so hard to reach this goal. He didn’t know that girl, didn’t know if she was reliable, respectful or if they had common values. He just knew that she was hot, and that was enough for him. Well, everyone makes a choice. What I’ve found a bit annoying is when Joe ended up complaining because his partner was not caring. But she was still hot right?
Your clock is ticking
Noooo!! You’re already 35 and you’re still single?? What the f***
There is no perfect time to be in a relationship. Either you are ready for it, or you are not. Being ready here means having the deep feeling that you can let a particular person enter your life and see your vulnerability, and vice-versa. When people talk about their ideal partner, they often imagine him/her as flawless. Being ready means knowing that perfection doesn’t exist. We are humans. Moreover, you can’t speed up the process.
Your Self-esteem needs to be boosted
When someone has to keep complimenting you, again and again to make things work, it’s just a waste of time and energy. Your issues are somewhere else. A relationship is not a good remedy for low self-esteem. Mainly because low self-esteem issues come from within, from your belief-system, from the way you interpret the world. Therefore, the only way to boost your self-esteem is by working on yourself. Do more of what you like for instance, of what you’re naturally good at.
Which reason should motivate us to start a relationship then? Everyone has the choice. I have chosen to be driven by Love.
Why Most Relationships Fail | Weekly Wisdom Episode 12